The scene: My family room. Sitting on the couch with Andrew, age 14, and Jenna, age 12.
Jenna: Can I go to the movies with Caroline tonight? We really want to see Vampires Suck.
Me: You can’t go tonight, but maybe we can all go together this weekend! I really want to see that movie too.
Andrew and Jenna: (eyes roll) Mom!
Me: What? What’s the matter? You don’t want to go to the movies with me?
Andrew: Mom, we are teenagers! It is social suicide to be seen at the movies with your mom!
Me: Really? It can’t be that bad. I am not that embarrassing. Ok, tell me the truth. What would be worse: going to the movies with me, or eating a spider?
Jenna: (Pauses for a moment.) Would the spider be cooked?
Andrew: Spiders don’t freak me out much, so….
Me: ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?
Jenna: …. if it was caramelized, maybe it would taste sort of good, because everything tastes good when it’s caramelized…. or even if it was lightly sauteed….
Me: That’s it. They are officially teenagers.